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Why Can't I Remember Your Name?
You’re terrible with names. You forget someone’s name
within ten seconds of their introduction, and it embarrasses you. In
fact, it’s possible you won’t even approach someone whose name you have
forgotten. As a result, you will miss out on a valuable business
contact.
If you go out of your way to identify and amplify names, it is the
easiest thing to show people you appreciate them. A person’s name is the
difference between a stranger and a friend; the difference between a
prospect and a client; and the difference between “that guy,” and
“Marty, my newest customer.”
But in addition to mastery of these skills, it is equally important to
understand why you forget them. If you target this problem at its
source, you discover ways to eliminate name forgetting before it begins.
You will also become more attune of what stands in your way to make
enriching connections with new people.
Attitude
I’m bad with names. I can only remember faces. I always forget people. I
don’t think I’ll ever improve my memory for names. I feel guilty when I
ask the person to repeat their name again and again.
Change your attitude! You can’t continue to make excuses and apologize
to people if you forgot their names. If you tell yourself you’re
terrible with names, you’re always going to be terrible - it's a self
fulfilling prophecy. Moreover, if you apologize to people, you only
remind them that you’re terrible!
Focus
I failed to focus on the moment of introduction. I was too busy worrying
about the correct handshake. I was overly self conscious about my first
impression with the new client. I thought about me and not about them.
Forget about you. Focus on them. This is the foundation of customer
loyalty. Smile and make eye contact as soon as they say their name.
Repeat it back to them within four seconds. Don’t worry…when you do
remember their name, you will make a good first impression.
The Name Itself
I forgot their name because it’s complicated. I forgot their name
because it’s too long. I forgot their name because it’s derived from a
culture different than my own.
Ask them about the spelling, origin or context of their name. The longer
and more unusual a name, the easier it will be to inquire further. As
such, this not only allows them to repeat their name, but you appeal to
their personal interests. It shows them you care about their personal
information, flatters them and makes them feel valued. Usually, they
will be glad to tell you about their name.
Memory
I forgot a customer’s name within ten seconds of introduction. I drew a
complete mental blank. I was humiliated.
This occurs because a person’s name is the single context of human
memory most apt to be forgotten. So, widen other areas of your memory
circuit and repeat the name out loud in the beginning, during and at the
end of the conversation. When you speak the name, hear the name, and
listen to yourself say the name, you will remember it.
Assumption
I assume someone will tell me their name. I assume my coworker will
introduce me. I assume names aren’t a big deal.
Be the first to ask. Go out of your way to find out people’s names. Take
your colleague aside and tell them to introduce you to the person
clearly and properly. When they do introduce you, be certain to make eye
contact with your new associate. This forces you to concentrate on his
or her face and name and block out noises and distractions.
Substitution
I accidentally put the wrong names with the wrong people. I confused
people’s faces. I saw someone’s name as an arbitrary fact, and did not
turn it into a meaningful representation of them.
Look at people’s facial features when they tell you their name.
Dramatize those features and make a memorable connection between the
person and their name. The crazier the connection, the easier the name
will be to remember.
Overload
I was introduced to several customers at the same time. My brain was
overloaded. Five names went in one ear and out the other. My memory for
names has diffused.
Ask the person who introduced you to quietly repeat everyone’s name in
your ear. Then, go around the group and say their names to yourself
while you look at their faces. Say them over and over again in your head
during the conversation. Do this several times. If all else fails, write
the names down, look at their business cards, and/or visualize the
person’s face while you consult your notes.
Practice. Practice. Practice. That’s the hard part. But over time you
will learn how different methods and tools for name memory will work
best for you. Whichever learning style best suits your personality; use
any combination of visual, aural or dramatic techniques to remember
names.
Attitude. Attitude. Attitude. That’s the easy part. As practice enhances
your name memory over time, it only takes a few seconds to decide to
change your attitude. Don’t tell yourself that you can’t remember names!
Once you have made the decision to go out of your way to remember them,
it will only be easier to acquire and master the skill.
Whether you’re on a sales call, in the field, work at a conference or
serendipitously meet someone again at the grocery store, if you remember
someone’s name it will be more valuable to you than gold.
You know how it feels when someone goes out of their way to remember
your name. That warm sense of appreciation rings in your ear and
resonates like a bell down to your heart. It is a pulse of pure human
energy. And every time it happens, it brings us closer together. It
fulfills our capacity to instantly and effortlessly connect with each
other.
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